took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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