oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
