either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This is my gift to your gina
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
