Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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