whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
