A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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