My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
