He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
