I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Found the puke drawer
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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