Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
