i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
