you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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