good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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