it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
