He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
