I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Randomize
