I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
