I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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