porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
