if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
