let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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