Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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