I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
