Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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