you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
