i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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