Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
