I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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