it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
