Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
