I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
