i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
