well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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