its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
