how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
