im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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