well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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