2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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