i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
