I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
