just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize