Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
