I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
