I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
