let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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