: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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