So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
