He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
