so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
