I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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