God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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